I win you Blogger Bastard

Trees planted as part of a federal government scheme to make offsetting greenhouse emissions tax deductible will not have to be native varieties and there will be no legal mechanism to prevent them being chopped down. This will be good news to The Rolling Stones who have been neutralizing their giant carbon footprint with investment in these types of schemes. It will be particularly pleasing to Ron Wood who became, by wont of his genealogy, more interested in the business than other members of the band (see enclosed photo)

The greens want the legislation amended so that trees that are planted to create a sink are natives, must remain in the ground for at least a hundred years and must first be subject to an assessment of the amount of water it would take to sustain them. Have you ever heard anything so unreasonable. Do they think that Mick and the boys have nothing better to do than to wait around a hundred years to get a hard wood on when essential songs are waiting to be sung. Thank god the Greens weren’t about in the sixties when in Sympathy for the Devil they were trying to Get a Witness.
Meanwhile a grouping of up to twenty countries will be announcing during the United Nations talks on climate change today, a call for billions of dollars of funding to nations that preserve forests. Well, themselves really and who among you can raise the argument against it. Headed up by Indonesia’s president Yudhoyono who has been sending entreaties to Yoko to cast off her widows weeds and become wife number nine thus fulfilling the wishes of her late husband John in his prophetic Revolution # 9. Yoko has been interested in carbon sinks ever since John was assassinated just after releasing an album of songs in which he acknowledged responsibility for household tasks such as child rearing and dish washing. I’m certain the sub will edit most of that but don’t you find it the most compelling part of the story. Chris Lilley I’m waiting for your call, lots of ideas mmm.

Meanwhile it’s almost certain that the story of Gong Wei and Huang will be made into an opera for which Jason Donovan will be called out of rehab to play the part of steadfast Kevin Anderson, Minister for Immigration. Kevin, who has preformed valiantly in the traditions of this arduous role would have been relieved by now and rewarded with ambassadorship of Zimbabwe except that his Prime Minister is anxious to impress on the electorate just what a bastard a Kevin can be. It’s my understanding that the story of Gong and Huang will be included with that of Brant and Todd in the federal government’s Citizenship Test to weed out potential terrorists and dole budgers. Bravo, oops, I mean great.

“Rent law revamp” saw me gulp for breath only long enough to read the rest of the headline, “to lure investors” saving me from hyperventilation. “Tenants will face swift eviction if they fall behind in their rent” oh year like tenants are the problem aren’t they, better off without them eh. “Non paying tenants can take up to three months to evict” so who can blame us for sending those Samoans over to remove the front door. Tenants will get reduced rent to host prospective buyers when they could be sleeping off hangovers on Saturday mornings and have greater rights to put up pictures and paint, in return they’ll pay water rates, which the same paper promises us are doubling. Great!

The good news is that another Australian child has become a world champion. Congratulations Casey Stoner and to your mum and dad too. I would put motorcycling skills before potty training every time and I’m far from the perfect parent.

Robert