Notes on the news

“Police disgusted by pub violence” Now that’s a headline it would be hard to improve on. Devil disgusted with hell fire perhaps. Pol Pot disgusted with room service in Phnom Pen maybe. It’s hard to imagine what police would be disgusted by; barring pay rates or leave loadings of course. Never mind, I’m glad to find them disgusted with what ever other than me. Especially so in the silly season when any distraction from the usual suspects, tippling motorist, is more than welcomed. My CTP Green slip with NRMA increased by ninety percent this year, a rise that AAMI was pleased to match and raise by three dollars. Has my car become ninety percent more lethal in twelve months and if so where were the press reports to accompany this shock statistic? I got my Green slip for only a few dollars more than last year from QBE but only because incredulously it seemed, to them not me, my licence lacked no points. Which brings me back to my delight in our government’s along with their media and police accomplices discovery of a new target this year. Very effective too if my experiences lunching at The Warren View and the Duke can be held as exemplar.

That School’s Spectacular is something isn’t it? Oh! I hear some among you scoff. Well you can keep your Eurovision Song Contest your Search for a Star’s and the like. The Schools Spectacular is the genuine article and should be a daily, alright weekly television event. Any of you who want argument on this see me in thirty years time. Loaded as it is with pubescent testosterone and as yet un-compromised raw talent with loads of convicted support, how could it fail to please?

Tiger Woods must now realise his true calling. If you have a porn star’s name your probably a porn star. Get over it Tiger. Here’s a little ditty to help you find the way.

Far beyond the tigers lovin for the blonde among the woods,
The putters and the drivers and the sumptuous promotion goods.
There’s a clean and squeaky loving guy like Clooney who it seems,
Can do the same and be spared of blame at cost only in dreams.

What about Warren Beatty who surely showed them how
To take it all, without a fall, and walk off with a bow.
Come on Tiger show your stripes literally I mean
Take chipper wood and putter and show us what’s obscene.

R