GLOBAL VERY WARMING

Dear all

Whew! Sitting now in air conditioned global warming comfort it’s a bit hard to believe this weeks heatwave conditions and their effect on work life at the big B.

Low to mid thirties this week most days with no variation between night and day made it an uncomfortable week even for those with nothing better to do than to lounge by the pool sucking on a mint dulip. Nigel* knows what it got up to today but I can give a first hand report on the Bunnings republic. All days since Wednesday were declared at least partially as apron free though Dolly (Dolinda to her mum and dad) flexing her 'senior for the day' muscle declared early Friday that “aprons are to be worn” and proceeded that afternoon to collapse with heat stroke, double vision etc. after the office’s overworked air conditioning carked it mid morn. Dolly, sweet and rumoured to be pregnant, finds she has unresolved authority issues which she tries to appease with stupid demands and one of those amplified exhaust systems of her duf-duf jap semi sports car. Shes OK.

Despite the heat, the beckoning surf, the pool and festival of Sydney school holiday nature of the times customers flocked in, with their bright pink babies and tomato tight toddlers puffed and teary to be carried by mum, no not dad, yes dad, no mum. Fans and air conditioners were a top priority and the likely models sold out early leaving only the dregs for the stoics or otherwise compromised and sleepless who held out till today. As I left this afternoon it looked very much like the remaining stock was being auctioned to the highest bidder and even almost empty boxes with remnant styrene packaging were drawing interest if only for their printed promise. Air cond. accessories, extensions for the waste hot air ducts, that must be diverted via some convenient orifice to the outdoors, and orifice adaptors which seal orifices to any other than outgoing airs were poorly catered for and look very much like a market niche to me not only for my pleasure in the word orifice.

Add to this niche any fly/mosquito mesh adaptation you can imagine and you’ll make a motza. I never realised how effective sleep deprivation was as a marketing tool till I met all these folk who seemed to think that the certainty of water boarding would be preferable to the irrationalities of that mosquito buzz. The popularity of sleeping pills and anti depressant should have tipped me to this market a long time ago when I was in business with Kenny Plosions who would easily have devised a plastic inflatable window seal for awning, hopper or double hung windows with air cond exhaust (um orifice) incorporated. All the better that it would deteriorate in UV over a few seasons and need replacement; after all how long is the modern, “o honey they all rust but the motor will die long before that” consumer expectation anyway? Well a lifetime guarantee I’m sure.

Grumpy levels rose on both sides of the hypothetical counter. It took all my reserves of self control not to backchat customers who felt the heat was exclusively their problem, like a bad back or ingrown toe nail, as they stood downwind blocking the breeze from fans team members had liberated for their own comfort. These fans themselves were an added aggravation to some who pointedly wanted one just like that, and in fact why not that and at a discount, for its now second handedness and lack of packaging. Why certainly of course madam, and since you have come out at such great personal expense, will you be waiting for the show at eleven when I personally melt for your pleasure?

To add to my personal discomfort, the juvenile cockroaches who have taken up residence in my car decided to quench their thirst on my sweat as I took my customary lunch time nap today. I dislodged many from legs arms and armpits and spent the rest of the day with discomforting irritations around the crotch.

Hope you all had a more pleasant week or if not that I will hear some detail to compare.

Love and Blessings,

Well you know


Some pulse; mouth to mouth considered


No pulse; RIP


Rich pickings for the post Christmas street disposal photographer