Titles again; Exciting isn't it

Well, Well! What exciting lives we are all leading. Grey nomads out there are wriggling their toes into the earth of central Australia and comparing transport options with “Lawsies” knights of the road. I know many women go on about blokes motor cars and comparative penis size, there’s even a current advertisement popularizing a gesture designed to belittle hoons which I think will play nicely into my hands when I take my case for compensation to the anti discrimination board on grounds that I am being satirized for having a little finger surgically set into just such a gesture. Meanwhile I’ll keep my hands in my pockets least some hoon spots it and takes umbrage at its implied meaning.
Kelly meanwhile will surely soon be hob-nobbing with the Queen herself or at the very least Wills and Harry. It seems that Mart was pleased to welcome her back to The Old Dart and one can only hope that if she does not burst from food and alcohol consumption that like those in similar tales she will live happily ever after.
Alice aided by her wonderful uncle Ian and his partner Ari have successfully transported Jane through her fiftieth birthday into the leisurely times that we who have transgressed this portal know lies beyond. All involved seem to have survived despite Alices last minute rush of blood purchase of Tooth’s Brewery. Meanwhile she has gotten a new job (about time I hear you sigh) running even bigger and better magazines for even more loot and in Monopoly terms would be about to move into Mayfair with five hotels and an option approved by Frank Sartor for a casino.
Gabby spent the weekend in Melbourne shopping with girlfriends and chasing rabbits no doubt. I can almost feel the cashmere smoothness of the cardies she will have purchased for me.
Dot and Strobe took advantage of the hospitality of Che-Stan-le-More that cute and ever so popular pension just off Liberty (fraternity, equality, whatever) in the inner west in preference to long distance frozen bus trips to the provinces on the occasion of Jane’s 50th birthday and have already placed reservations for the November wedding celebrations. That’ll be OK if I can just calm down the staff who are still a little miffed at Strobes Ha-Ro joke, “Really chums he’s just a joker, he knows as well as we do it’s Harrow just like the great English Public School.”
I know what you’re all thinking. What’s he so excited about? Well it has been an exciting couple of weeks at Bunnings A few weeks ago as reported in the financial pages of our great dailies Westfarmers along with wealthy friends put in a bid to purchase the Coles conglomerate of retailers including K Mart, Office works and Liquor Land. These reports took the time to point out that Westfarmers had extensive retail experience and were in fact the mother ship behind Bunnings, the retailer’s retailer. A couple of weeks ago when Westfarmers colleagues dropped out leaving them as the sole bidders the Coles board lost their nerve, stopped playing hardball (whatever that game is) and recommended to shareholders that they accept Westfarmers bid. That night I was most surprised to see and hear on Lateline a report on Bunnings bid to take over Coles and to find the spokesperson for the bid was Bunnings CEO and my boss. Well canny as I am I saw the writing on the wall and am now in line for the chairmanship of liquor Land. I would have stood for the position but I was too drunk on proving my credentials so I stayed chaired. They were particularly taken with my fox in the hen house parable, these young guns like that old stuff, hope they don’t go looking it up. Anyway suffice to say I am now in a list of only one million for this exalted position.
With all this in house excitement over this period Bunnings Mascot decided the time was ripe to swap all senior staff to other stores and bring in new managers who knew no one and nothing. A smart move if you ask me though I know you didn’t, this type of practice along with changing rules on a daily basis is the way to create a new fresh work environment where no one knows better than anyone else what the hell is going on and isn’t that the way to do business in this day and age. A suitcase of cash, some guns and the right drugs, that’s all that’s needed.
Staffs response to this situation was to take sick leave, especially if they had special abilities like procedural knowledge or fork lift driving skills or better still licenses. Management responded by sanding and painting recently installed doors and generally staying out of sight so as not to witness gross violations of safety and management protocols. I’ve never been a soldier but I’m sure it compared nicely to managing the loosing of a war. God help us if they get Coles though come to think we’d still have Wollies and Target, perhaps it doesn’t matter.
Fortunatley I balance the four days of this surreal with three of Stanmore Idle, soaking on my sun trap balcony with my friends The Kinks and Zapper who often bring their friends Linda and Joanie and just as it is in Facebook they link to all the other buddies and they come too drinking up my hospitality and repaying me with their art.
Robert