and Venus was her sisters? name

Oh Joy oh joy there is a guiding hand after all. I just saw on SBS news that the USA is directly down wind of china and that it takes approximately seven days for pollution to travel from china’s one a week opening coal fired power plants to sunny California. YEE HAA. You want more good news, how’s about that bodacious Serena Williams in her yellow bikini smearing the svelte Russian Maria Sharapova all over the court like vegemite in the Australian Open. No I haven’t started watching tennis but I do continue to read The Herald and believe me Venus’s very attractive front page and page three shots got granny’s stodgy letter writers well fired up.
Back to the weather then. Who can remember the last rainy day? Who can remember what a rainy day was? Oh yes there’s been rainy nights, and there’s been storms but rainy days, you know like the ones that keep the builders from working, the ones that keep cricketers from playing, no you cant can you? It’s almost as if under John Howard shift, weathers restricted from having any influence on the two things he holds dear, productivity and cricket.
There won’t be another rainy day you know. Bet you wish you’d known and properly availed yourself of the opportunity to farewell the last one. It would have been a sad occasion something like a funeral but that would have been better than not being able to remember it at all wouldn’t it? Maybe its not too late to create a memorial day when we could all relate our memories, a “my favorite rainy day” day, the best stories could be cast in brass and attached to some wet looking memorial or buried in a time capsule for the wonderment of future generations.
Enough of this sentimentality, life as we know it (or something like we use to know it) goes on and we must make the best of it. Think of our forefathers arriving in this terra naulis and not a hedge or rose bush to be seen, did they despair? No they raped, slaughtered and sowed and lo, the privet did thrive in the blood soaked soil. Just as they did we must adapt and prosper in these new conditions and it is in this vein that I offer these suggestions to those brave enough to take the challenge.
The most obvious area where a buck is still to be turned is in the sporting field (if history allows the retention of this quaint term) and cricket being the sport that thrives in dry weather, unless like a winging pom you pray only for rain, will obviously be a winner. Those green ovals though will be but the distant memories of Ritchie, Clive and the rest of the Channel 9 commentary team. Now the game will be played on sand saturated with sump oil not unlike those outback putting not greens and there will be a revolution in; footwear, I see snow shoes as a model for outfielders, and detergent, to wash the oil stains out of those whites. Footballers who used to thrive in the mud will now need Kevlar body suits, knee and elbow pads to perform those heroic touch down dives and retain any skin on their new gravel playing fields. We’ll see far more of those wire tough northern reservation boys who are use to dodging boulders and burnt out motor vehicles on the pitch.
Oh yes I hear you, ”what about Astroturf?” well the A league may be able to afford such luxury but its pretty expensive stuff you know and Americas invasion has halted production by most of the Chinese manufacturers who’s pollution used to waft their way, why do you think those outback golf courses aren’t clad in it?
Gardeners are going to find it pretty tough when there’s not even enough water to grow weeds but people are still going to want something pretty to look at and scenic artists will be making proverbial and picturesque hay. The first perfumer to crack Eau de rain will make a fortune and the scenic artist gardener who combines the two will be the next Martha Stewart.
Those in the insurance industry who are first to recognize this trend will turn a quick dollar. I think AAMI are on to it. NRMA wanted $590 for a green slip for my little buggy, AAMI sold me the same deal for $311. NRMA wouldn’t know the day of the week. I sent them a very sarcastic email describing my car as little more than a motorized Razer scooter and my address as the right side of the Stanmore tracks, noting my Newington College neighbor and they took me seriously, sent a serious reply. I warn any of you with shares in this seriously out of touch company, SELL
I could go on but I know no one reads this stuff. Suffice to say there are many new opportunities on offer and if you are reading, give it thought and present your suggestions. Also if you’d like to write fifty words or more to the “My favorite rainy day” hotline, you’ll be in line to see your words cast in brass or even buried.
Toodle pip,
Robert