All the good news

With nothing really pressingly important to say this week – now now settle down, there most certainly will be a class and no Gabby you may not be excused – and having recently the time with the children leaving home and my ongoing gate duties, to read the paper almost every day, I thought I could summarize for you whose busy lives provide no room for such indolence, the week as it was represented by Granny and The Terror.
Granny will be the primary source, I only take a dip in The Terror whilst topping up the blood sugar levels with Bec and Leyton, the road carnage count and tea in the lunch room. Why wouldn’t a girl wear half a million worth of jewelry to the tennis, you’ve got all these jewels you want to wear them, I mean is it any sillier than having a Tower of London to keep them in.
David Hicks’s publicity agent has certainly got the mo-jo working. The big three Howard Ruddock and Downer have all seen fit to comment this week. Ruddock, the lawman, doesn’t know what Hicks has done yet, the message bottles keep running into half submerged containers and smashing but he’s optimistic that one will eventually get through. Downer met a bloke whose mate’s cousins girlfriend knows a retired marine with a cleaning company that recently hired a Cuban whose cousin mows the lawn at Guantanamo and saw Hicks once. Some of the message was lost in translation but the general feeling was that Hicks was doing fine. Have a nice day! Howard commented in the circular fashion he has perfected the gist of which is nobody told him. Letter writers I’m pleased to say have formed their own much more rational assessment of the situation and are unanimous in their condemnation of both our’s and the US’s attitudes on a daily basis.
Julia Guillard is trying to push some barrow about the glass ceiling and motherhood. She recons male pollies should be asked questions like “how’r you going to balance child rearing with being Prime Minister”. Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous, I mean next thing she’ll want to know their beauty treatments. If she really wants to make it in politics she needs to fat up like Amanda and ask Bronwyn to recommend a hairdresser.
The realy good news is that that gorgeous, clever honeypot Maxine, yes Maxine McHugh is going to be “advisor on Strategy” to our next Prime Minister. Oh it does set my heart aflutter to think that though I can no longer see and hear her relieving Kerry (let me put you on notice Kerry I’m so jealous) on the seven thirty report I’ll know she’s there behind every new strategy.
UAI’s Vs Bucks as a university enrolment strategy has been getting the airing it always does at this time of year. I recon the sooner we see the sense of the Japanese system where kids flog themselves from kindie on and those who don’t suicide or wind up in mental institutions qualify for entrance to uni and the inevitable degree three or four years later. The uni time is regarded as a well deserved vacation, the reward for all that slog.
Statistically speaking I’m becoming the norm in Australia and physically I’m looking more like him too. ‘The single person household is our fastest growing household type, projected to account for 34% of all households by 2026” (thank you Hugh Mackay) Ah where would the weekend edition Jurnos be without the Statisticians and Pollsters to fill a page and the good news is that I’m no longer regarded by you – non single person households, as a deviate or even worse an old maid as I once was. That’s what I call a good news story.
Lets see Tamworth Music Festival – who cares? – Ok just some sour grapes. The Popes stumbling a bit but his spin doctors will take care of him. The Iemma Labor Govt couldn’t do a better impression of a drunken bigot if they hired Kevin Bloody Wilson as advisor on strategy yet the Libs can’t even get their names spelled right. What’s his name? Debutante? The one whose policy is something like “one of the same with an extra spoon of sugar please” paddles a canoe across the harbor. Who cares? Come out and open for Australia in the next one dayer and I might take notice.
This aptly named Exclusive Brethren with their Select Vessel – what – leader seem to have very deep pockets for small businessmen. We’ll be hearing more of them I’m sure.
Easily the most boring page everyday is the report on the American election. Hillary nominates for president. Doh Just think of it, still eighteen months out and it gets a full page, imagine when it’s only a month off, it’ll be like the tsunami all over eight and twelve pages of blah. Calculate the greenhouse gas emissions and wasted forests.
Lucky for you Gab I don’t read the sports section, oh yes I’ve been known to collapse Norm like, in front of a cricket match on the telly but that tennis stuff, it’s just too zippy for my liking. Good to see the youth of Australia though upholding little Johinie’s favorite Anzac tradition. Draped in our flags we shall fight them on the beaches, we shall fight them at the tennis, we shall fight them at the cricket (if only they would bring back full strength beer). So that’s it for the sports report and if you want a business or real estate report you’ll have to go on line, and if you cant go on line that stuff doesn’t matter anyway
That’s just about all for now though I shant go without mentioning a couple of topics that were on the minds of the letter writers (my favorite section closely followed by the obituaries) Sheik Taj el Din al Hilaly’s PR is working her bum off, pay attention Debbenaught, want to see your name in the paper, hire this girl. Look what she’s done with his name, even I can spell it.I cant wait to see him on celebrity big brother and dancing with the stars. The loss of a cycle lane from the M2 is also on the correspondents minds and as a bicycle rider who hates to be stuck behind a cyclist in my alter ego as a driver I’m afraid I’m going to have to disqualify myself from the panel of judges on this one
Class dismissed and don’t forget you have only seven days left to submit your coments and blogs before next weeks class.
Prof. R.A.O’Keefe Hon. B.M. M.B. U.M.B. B.U.M. Ret.

PS The biggest public relations coup this week was pulled off by Toyta. It seemed that every polly,corporate giant, and celebrity wanted it known that they either had a Pyrus or one on order. This did not escape Toyotas marketers who followed up with ads during last nights cricket coverage.