Some health notes

My friend Damien has been given notice to quit by his avaricious landlord who is caught up in the hype he reads in the financial pages; a self fulfilling prophecy that rentals are at an all time low and rents are rising faster than a Bakers Delight bun. I suggest to him that he should get in contact with the Zurich financier Urs Schwarzenbach and his wife Francesca who are having difficulty occupying their fifty million plus Balmoral waterfront spread consisting of main house and two pavilion style guest houses, owing to the ongoing demands of their nearby harbour-front property in Burran Avenue, their chateau on lake Geneva, their polo farm Thames Side Court in Oxfordshire , Culham Court their eighteenth century Georgian mansion on 260 hectares at Henley-on-Thames and Redbank homestead at Jugiong in rural Australia. “Really just getting around the dusting is more than a lifetime’s work” pleads Francesca. You can’t but feel sympathy for anyone trying to occupy so much real estate and Damien, a neo-Marxist, was in tears as I related to him their sad plight. Its not just the physical demands either like climbing all those stairs – yes Mosman waterfront and those Georgian mansions are notorious for their stairs – but add that to the mental and spiritual demands of keeping up with the neighbors and your in the high risk category for affluenza one of the killer diseases of this new century.
Affluenza, discovered by British Psychologist Oliver James, the symptoms of which are the relentless pursuit of property, perfect bodies and status, is said to be at its nadir in Sydney this year. Dr. James, who conducted research, in seven countries found Sydney; “in thrall to American values and a puritan work ethic that robbed life of joy and real meaning” and “packed with career obsessed workaholics”. “when they are not working the longest hours in the developed world they pursue perfect bodies through joyless fitness regimes, or obsess about property prices”. Well I take my career pretty seriously though at 61 years of age you could call me a late starter and there are those who regard my fitness regime and property portfolio as equally non existent so perhaps I was not included in Dr. James’ study group.
The problem with Dr James view as I see it is one of ivory tower bias. Dr. James comes to Sydney and due to his very good international connections winds up staying with Urs and Franscesca at Balmoral learning only of their poor plight and having to do a fair deal of dusting and pool cleaning himself. Had he the good fortune instead to have come to work/stay with Damien and I he could have had a much more optimistic experienced of Sydney. My mate Sewer Sider – around here people are much more likely to have tags than names - would have been glad to make room for him at what was once the Enmore Post Office. One of the rubbish rooms could easily have been cleared and if he visited during summer he would have enjoyed the fresh Botany breeze through the trendy retro glass free windows. Here he would have been at no risk, at least from affluenza, and as long as his shots were up to date he shouldn’t have to worry too much about sharing with roaches and assorted vermin. Enmorites are proud of their town and have fought long and hard aided by the proliferation of housing commission and half way houses to keep Real Estate Agencies to a minimum. It would not surprise me if Damien’s landlord found himself on the receiving end of some pretty indecipherable graffiti
Here the good Dr. would have found folk who at the end of the award - one percent below poverty line - wage day have no need too buff any other part than the beer belly. “bewdy Doc have another one, your shout”. “Affluenza, nah, Emphysema, Bronchitis, lots-o-that around this summer and Micky’s missus got a pretty serious rash but I’ve never heard of affluenza, what is it? Some new virus?” You see, two sides to every coin. Go to the Schwarzenbach’s Damien, show them the work you’ve done on the new manifesto, you’ll see they’ll take you in, probably give you and your descendants lifetime tenure for showing them the way out from under their frightful burden. Go and show them the way.
Robert