Yuletime musings

Boy I’ll be more than happy to see the end of this Santa Clause dude’s tour. Being a roadie for him’s. a real grind and I don’t even like his music. His Aussie promoter Bunnings are stretching their hours in both directions in an effort to move as much land fill as possible before the twenty fifth so come and visit right up to mid night all next week for your chance at a Full Bamboo Panel Screen at only $89.00 or Wavy Ripple wall fountain only $79.00. You’d be crazy to miss their “Realm” Lotus Wall Carving (50x 94 left and right panels sold separately) not to mention Quick Set Concrete at only $5.80 for a twenty kilo bag. What’s with this quick obsession? Quick set concrete, quick set cement, quick set mortar even. The time and motion guy who decided that what brickies needed was quick set mortar should have to sit in it during smoko and be drop’d off the wharf along with the ruined barrow after. “Build your house before breakfast”, I see the banners now. Building was not meant to be a race, I don’t care what Jamie Dury and his Back Yard Blitz boys say. If they want ideas for next season how’s about “Quick High Rise Demolition” plenty of scope for cheap and dramatic footage, (see re runs of Sept. 11), hosted by Bomber Beasley, he’ll need a gig, will provide gravity (demolition depends on it), and he’ll be cheap. Meanwhile I don’t see “Quick” even nudging its long time “Q” mate “Quality” in the overall “sell’em stakes”. I mean, let’s go straight to the top and compare say Quick Sex to Quality Sex, I hear you, no contest. The noun quality seen here, as it is commonly used in advertising, means nothing without its accompanying adjective such as top or poor, and perhaps this is the secret to its success, it can’t be tested. Not so for poor quick who must perform or quickly be found lacking.
Back to the home front. I am busily working on a cockroach breeding program. My aim is to develop a critter that can actually live in the fridge. I’ve shown them what a good source of food their missing, I’ve explained to them the basics of evolutionary theory which, given their history, I’d have thought they’d know already, but it came as quite a surprise to this lot. They’re up for the challenge, have set up a gym come base camp in the rubbers between the fridge and freezer doors from which to launch their forays. I’ve removed the light as I know they don’t like it and there’s no other way to be absolutely sure it’s not on when the doors closed. I found one brave little bugger who’d pushed the limits and expired on top of the butter punnett. I transferred him to some warm water to see if he’d thaw but no luck, in fact he could have drowned. I might conduct some experiments on how long they can hold their breaths. Alice was conducting a parallel mosquito breeding project until she discovered Jacks susceptibility to mosquito bite. Out of love she has abandoned the project, returned the thirty eight take away containers in varying stages of corruption and the twelve pre dampened towels. Where would we be had Marie Curie fallen in love and adopted a similar attitude.
Better go publish now and get back to worrying about Christmas.
See you soon,
Robert XOX or XOP Mmmm.