Blog potion #5

“Look at that girl, wow she’s hot, but what’s that she’s carrying? It’s a stepladder, that’s so cool, I’ve got to have one.” Yes my friends, step ladders as fashion accessories, here at Bunnings. I first noticed a staff member carrying a little two stepper that was so sleek and compact it looked like one of those hip slim briefcases but yesterday I saw this girl walking out with a five step version over her shoulder, all slim line and neutral anodized with bright lolly red plastic trims, I realized I was witnessing the latest must have fashion accessory, goodbye fluffy dog in a bag, I’ve got the ladder. Ideal for those situations where you want to assert yourself, you’ve got something to say or you want to slap that sports star to show you’r not that kind of girl. “Ye! Brake through the glass ceiling with a Lugger Ladder”
These type of products which were traditionally marketed to tradesmen with functionality and price as its main selling point, are beginning to appear as fashion items which Bunning’s family / female friendly marketing nouce is flogging to a new client. No longer, the trades and would be handyman blokes exclusive zone, no not Bunnings, bring the wife and kids, in fact send the wife, she’ll probably take you and the kids next time in the Hummer. I’m constantly amazed no gobsmacked at the number and variety of people who say “I love Bunnings”. On Saturdays the whole building reeks of sausage sizzle as the families from all creeds and cultures come streaming through as if it was The Tait or some other wonderful museum where you could not only view but handle the exhibits, indeed open and desecrate them, take them home, try them, bring them back if not satisfied, just keep the docket. . Imagine this, it is perfectly possible to buy a twenty meter extension ladder for $500.00, take it home, do the job and bring it back next week, say it wasn’t long enough and get your money back. Does it get friendlier than this. There in this maelstrom we bunnies curators with responsibility only to point and inadequately advise, vainly attempt to preserve some order on the disheveled shelves.
I have to admit to a delight in this passing parade. On Saturday I spotted a Blue Jay, like a bower bird, for you non ornithologists, who collects only blue objects for nest decorations. She was wearing a smart black track suity thing accessorized with blue bag and blue highlights to her shoes, a blue hair tie and the brightest blue glasser fames I’ve ever seen. She was on her way to checkout with a bright blue deck chair thing she’d come for but had not been able to resist that brilliant blue feather duster she’d seen on the way. So clever to make hardware so accessible to females they being the true gatherers as apposed to the male hunters who seek out only what they want and leave. The Gay nesters and young aspirational hetro’s are a treat too as they argue over how best to secure the Ficus on the porch at Newtown. I guess overall our client base are usually in a constructive - read positive – stage of their lives which makes them rather upbeat and pleasant to deal with. Not at all like being a cop or security guard.
Enough Bunnings Bull Sheet for now - if their lucky I may offer them this as a title for a in house news letter – though they will have first to show themselves worthy of such brilliance.
Went to Michelle’s (Walters wife’s) birthday bash this arvo, 29/10, very close to that most important 30/10 but as they say a miss is as good as a mile. An interesting collection of not yet chardonnay (cheap reds were in favor) swilling, tea not latte drinking boomer lefties though not a Marxist in sight. Forced retirement and medical procedures (hip replacements) were the major topics of conversation though luckily an abundant show of support from late teen children, nieces and nephews and their loves provided a light balance. Everyone wanted news of Alice. “Was she still seeing the Ellis boy what’s his name, Jack?” When who should call but the one and the same Alice with the surprise news that she and the said Jack were in fact newly (just that morn.) engaged “Engaged in what” I foolishly asked. “Engaged! Like to marry” the terse reply. Diamond rings and knees bent begging hands flashed through my mind. (I’ve seen a few movies) and I blurted a few stupid questions along these lines as I sought to understand what this all meant. Collecting my wits I managed to congratulate her and Jack (I think that was the proper procedure but I’ve never had to do this before and the movies can be so unreliable when it comes top real life) I asked for and received Alice’s permission to report this event and her words as we hung up “I’ll call mum now” left me in another few moments of dazed reflection before returning to the party. The news was accepted universally by those present as good and as I have said there were some present who knew or knew of Jack as well as Alice. Still a little bewildered I sought the opinion of some of the guests as to the meaning of engagement. Well I should have guessed in this group of leftie Boomers I couldn’t find a couple or a single for that mattered who had ever married at all. Statistically speaking my two marriages would have seriously corrupted our group poll. This led me to reflect that there are many more types of marriage, than those the likes of George Pell and John Howard would have us believe. Here were John (Murch) and Deb (Masters) with about to be twenty one year old Max and one of the twins with her boy friend all very wholesome looking despite Johns hip. Here were Walter (Vanveenendaal) and Mischelle (Murch) with Nella, Tosh and her boyfriend Jack looking gorgeous and not a marriage in sight. Obviously these oldies were going to be of no use to me in a quest to understand engagement so I approached Tosh and Jack of Generation Y or Generation Un-Do as Alice prefers to call it. Tosh as spokesperson, without hesitation, explained that engagement was a commitment one to another that there was to be no other and that there was intention to marry, diamonds and knees were only ceremonial appendages to be indulged or not no matter. Tosh is in my opinion a very serious and thoughtful girl and I fully accept her explanation. Thank you Tosh and Congratulations Alice and Jack.
So then what do you all think of that. I deliberately include all this after the boring Bunnings bit to catch out those who just go ho hum another boring blog and don’t read on. If I don’t get any comment I’m going to suicide by swallowing my hard drive whole, no better still I’ll strap my body with penny bungers and suicide bomb the next family day.
Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday dear Robert, Happy birthday to me.