Okeefereport: Grizzle Grump

Dearest all

BRRRrrrrrr! If I’d known that global warming would be accompanied with this freezing wind I would have taken it seriously.

It’s alright for you of mixed households who can simply call mum, dada or honey but we bachelors have to be prepared to take care ourselves. Take the example of the soap running out. Yes the gradual process as that slippery sliver becomes more and more difficult to pick up from the floor. I, just like you, never remember till after stepping under the shower that this is so. I am prepared though keeping fresh soap on top of the microwave on top of the fridge conveniently located at arms reach from the shower recess. The trouble is with this recently acquired package of ‘Cussons Imperial Leather’, a brand I’ve always been fond of but haven’t used much in recent years. The traditional ‘looking’ cardboard package reminded me of the pleasures of this soap with the attached label that miraculously outlasted the sliver stage. Of course I failed to read the fine print though the pack of four wrapped in that plastic cellophane and the price should have set off alarm bells. ‘Gentle Care, Luxuriously Mild and Gentle’ doesn’t say hollowed, white, odourless and just like any other cheap soap but I now know that’s what it means. To address these deficiencies in such a luxurious brand there is some more packaging. After removing the traditional cardboard we come to almost impenetrable plastic cellophane, maybe polycarbonate shrink wrap that holds this cake prisoner and defies any attempt to penetrate let alone remove without the assistance of tools much sharper than teeth or nails. Power drills and chisels would be handy but aren’t so I usually make do with a combination of a filleting knife and nursing scissors, you know the ones for removing stitchers. To do this of course I am naked and dripping in the kitchen some distance from the shower, fridge and microwave, and in real danger of a self inflicted Psycho type calamity.

What about our adventuring nieces eh. Glastonbury festivals, Trans European work schedules and multi lingual memos sound tres chic. Forties inspired housewarmings and the Lindy hop, well just fab. Within days of your email Cat, Peter Rowsthorne better known as Brett from Kath and Kim learnt this dance and had his professional debut on ‘Can We Help’, a clever little half hour he hosts on ABC before the news Friday nights, so I know the rigours you put yourself through. Oh yes I know you understand rigor too Kell. Glastonbury mud, four day body odour, and failing autos would test anyone’s mettle. ‘Bad Luck” to miss Rolf but if you like I’ll work up a version of “Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport” to Berger paint can accompaniment for when I see you in October. I can’t know whether anyone with horn rim glasses and a beard is told constantly that they look like Rolf Harris. Yes it does upset me, I don’t even die my hair. If I have to look like someone I’d even prefer Bruce Springsteen.

Alice came over, a very delightful change to my Friday night schedule this week, to dine and discuss European voyages. Early evening Thai went down well with a bottle of bubbles and with hindsight we probably didn’t need that take home bottle. It’s so hard to debate the want / need conundrum when a little under the influence. Anyway I was a bit blank at work on Saturday when Bunnings world suddenly swirled with braces of bigwigs and flocks of photographers (mmm that only works if you say it) all behaving very importantly. In the middle of this the chief cretin noticed bags of cement spread across isle 49 and sent a minion who found me to tidy up. Glad to be of service I hoisted the first bag back onto its pallet before noticing the large hole that that was pouring cement into the cuffs of my jeans and my shoes, no not my work shoes, my best walkers which I was wearing for comfort and because on Saturday I don’t have to handle cement bags. Plastic cement bags I might note, what a good idea, pity they don’t use the same stuff Cussons use.

Well that’s enough of my misery I’m sure. Let’s hear some of yours sometime

Love from Aunty

Hugh has neen doing some pretty serious tagging on our foreshore