Short term memories

Not wishing to detract from serious disabilities like hip dislocations and with apologies in advance to all family members, I regret to inform that we have a problem. I can’t remember who my Secret Santa is. Short term memory has let me down. I was aware of this likelihood at the draw on my family day, and took the precaution of keeping my chit somewhere safe. Unfortunately this safe place memory became the subject itself to short term memory loss, and search though I have in both memory and wallets, pockets etc. there’s nothing to be found. Perhaps memory loss cut in betwixt the decision to stash and the act, who knows, certainly not my memory. I’ve made discreet inquiries with close family members in the hope that I may have been indiscreet at the time. Unfortunately all that these inquiries have realised is that my discression is in better shape than my memory. Well that’s a positive isn’t it?

I thought that I could solve my problem by having everyone anonymously blog their draw leaving the missing name as my presentee. (“Word” doesn’t like this but I do) Alice who has done tertiary level classes in problem solving, pointed out that even if all members were to respond, the likelihood of which she was pessimistic, the missing presentee would know that I was the presenter which would not be in the spirit of the Secret Santa. The only other solution I’ve thought of is to put a Bunnings shopper voucher (who wouldn’t want one of those) in an envelope and slip it under the plate/glass of whoever looks a little long faced after the divvy up. I completely reject Alices suggestion that I provide Bunnings shopper dockets to all comers, Bunnings don’t have one dollar vouchers much less one dollar product.
Any suggestions? I mean all those websites offer the “forgot your password” option. Do we have one of those?

Your correspondent is extremely happy to relate that as of last Saturday 10/11 at 1800 hours, he is on holidays for four weeks. That’s 34 sleeps Kell. I flew directly by Daihatsu (gesundheiti!) to that fabulous and famous Stanmore Shores where I plan to spend at least the first 32 nights in limpid luxury sunning in the shade. I’ve a couple of gigs lined up, a Hens Night this Saturday (oh yes I go to a lot of those) and a Wedding on the following one. Apart from that I have no concrete plans but rest assured I shall keep you informed.

An article on “absurd legislation never repealed” caught my eye this week and set me to wonder as to the reason they were ever laws in the first place. I’ve no problem with the illegality of putting regal stamps upside down on envelopes in Britain or calling a French pig Napoleon. Those aristocratic types have big egos and are use to being obeyed. The death penalty for public masturbation in Indonesia has to have a religious sources don’t you think? Christian religions, certainly Catholics have always had it in for masturbation for “god” knows what reason and the Muslim religion seems to me to be a close relative of theirs, dogma wise. I’d have thought that this act, which if a crime seems the least proactive, could have been left to the individual concience where it belongs rather than in front of a firing squad. Having said as much though it’s tempting to believe that some with similar egos to the afore mentioned class, given the classic death sentence last wish, might see their upcoming demise as an opportunity for the all-time best wank.
Moving on It’s illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool unless she’s a clerk in a tropical fish store and a pregnant woman can relieve herself anywhere she wants including in a policeman’s helmet. Makes sublime sense, I’ve no problem with that or with ‘in the city of York it’s legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient walls as long as he’s carrying a bow and arrow’. These laws you’ll all agree are based on common sense and deserve to stand however others such as the Ohio law against making a fish drunk or the Vermont law requiring women to have written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth would seem a little irrational. Others like the Alabama law making it illegal to drive a car whilst blindfolded and the Swiss law that a man may not relieve himself whilst standing up after 10pm make perfect sense. At least around my place they do.

Good luck with your hip Strobe, with the new business Chris and Sue, with the wedding Alice and Jack and with the sleeps Kell.

Loving regards um ah Rupe.. no Ramon… Oh I don’t know, something starting with R followed by a vowel.