New Teeth, Same O'Keefe

Yesterday morning I got the wish of the child in Donald Yetter Gardner's song first recorded by Spike Jones & His City Slickers on December 6, 1948 "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth'. (bless you Google and you to Wikipedia) I however was doubly blessed receiving not two but four front teeth. In less than forty minutes that morning I had my four top front teeth removed and a replacement denture which included two previously removed molars, a total of six teeth installed. This miracle of modern dentistry has left me with a mouth full of plastic and wire that my curious tongue like a pre teen child cannot resist licking, sucking and investigating by placing it in its, um mouth.


Now I must; "Avoid hot drinks, alcohol, SMOKING, hard chewy foods, choose cool drinks and minced soft foods".
I should; "Take analgesics 1 to 2 every 4 to 6 hours of preferred analgesic or Nurofen or Paracetamol or Panadeine as needed for relief of pain" (there all Greeks down there at Newtown Dental Care so we must excuse them if something is lost in translation).
I should not rinse and;"After 24 hours return to normal mouth cleaning, using warm salt water mouth washes 4-5 times daily". Is this normal mouth cleaning and if so how have I survived all these years?
I should also "Rest for a few hours, strenuous exercise is best avoided" Ah! Perhaps this explains my survival.

I had no problem with hot drinks or SMOKIMG. I'm perfectly in tune with the taking analgesics clause which I read as take plenty of pain killers. No problem either with the salt water part of the rinse clause but I'd already rinsed a few times before reading the first part of that clause and I'm grateful to you for drawing my attention to it. The big stumbling block has proved to be the minced food. No problem for those with Greek mothers ever ready to produce a Moussaka or two I'm sure but try for yourself to find a take away, or reasonably priced, minced dish to satisfy an extremely numb upper lip and a plastic palate.

Maybe the most difficult part of these instructions was the one that said avoid alcohol. Mercifully the verb avoid is a passive one and the word alcohol was not highlighted as SMOKING was. I took great care not to go near any industries that use alcohol in their production and I avoided mentholated spirits. That said it's hard for a bloke like me to avoid altogether especially such not really sickie days as this. My mouth felt weird though and I was sure a glass of wine would make that feel better. Wines not really alcohol is it, I mean not like Scotch or Gin. I could get a glass at the pub but for less than double that I could get a bottle, lucky I don't even consider casks...yet. So I resisted the passive verb and bought a bottle of 'Los Molinos' Tempranillo Valdepenas (cheap but lovely Spanish plonk) reminisced on Seville and Grenada, and found inspiration to write to lucky you.

Now after a not very restful night and in the cold light of dawn when the alarm sounded I tried to imagine how this day at work would go. I admit that my imagination is not at its best at that time of day when even practised mechanical tasks can go wrong. I tried reading the instructions and at "no hot drinks" recognised the fruitlessness of having just put the coffee on. Today I would, after ten, be allowed to remove the new teeth examine and clean them for the first time. How many times should I rinse with salt water? Where at Bunnings would I find the appropriate environment for such undertakings? Not in the pigsty staff room, not in the cesspool toilets, in the car? Mmm no wash basin. What would I eat? Where would I get enough mince? I was starving already. How long would it take the soaking muesli to turn mince like? Far too many questions to be answered before seven AM start. Instead I blessed the foresight of the dental receptionist who suggested I have a two day certificate that could be used as one rather than a one day that would never stretch to two and after a cup of extremely diluted cold coffee I went for a head clearing walk.

Indeed my head did clear. Enough to note that there was no stand out irritation. That the tongue though still going about its investigations was becoming more accommodating of its new roommate. That there seemed to be no more bleeding as there had been late last night. Back home I made my way around the muesli avoiding the large hard cubes of that whatever red stuff and after a little reading and dosing decided that rather than waste the day I would see the Chiropractor about my shoulder and the Optometrist about that floater often cruising my right eye. Now I began to see that I might need some speech therapy also. Though I told the Chiropractor the problem was with my left shoulder he went on to treat my right till I was too embarrassed to point out the mistake. When I suggested to the optometrist and the spectacle maker that I might wait a while before lashing out on new specs and made a inquiry about pensioners and specks they both became sidetracked by destitutes with no more than $500 to their name and CES form filling, patently not applicable to I who have more than twice that.

I have noticed a tendency to whistle especially with words starting with a 't' and even more so if a following syllable starts with an 's' as in trousers. Sort of Peter Cundall like and it's so obvious to me now that a Pom of his vintage with teeth like a plank was faking something. Now able to study them better than in other people's mouths where to stare is rude, they are intriguing. My front four are not four separate entities but one continuous slab. They are actually unhealthy pink in colour the white tooth like shapes with their shadows and grain are just an artistic laminate. I'm sure there are better quality versions out there and my operation coming in at only $1,500 is budget stuff, good enough for me though, and I assure you Kell that if I do win that lottery I will be coming to your wedding and doing as much world travel as possible before even considering anything flashier.

I could go on as you know but I see that I lost your interest about a paragraph in so I'll leave you now with some snaps.


Enough of that

And That

What is there not to love

Does this drinkers flush look good next to new teeth

Housemates getting to know one another