Corey Worthingness

At risk of being the only commentator, editorialist, bloger, whatever, who had not expressed an opinion please find the following contribution.
Just like you I’m outraged by the gall of Corey Worthington, the audacity to trash the parental home, attack the bastions of law, refuse to apologise, and far worse not even remove the sunglasses in spite the demands of Leila McKinnon; outrageous. How must our Kelly feel as she tries to defend her homeland pride in face of this bogan; er chav onslaught, media borne from down under. These were my thoughts as I sought inspiration for today’s lesson when I chanced on this excerpt from a piece I had been writing about my friend Harley in anticipation of his obituary. (oh please! Someone has to write these things and when the time comes the public is very impatient. It’s best to be prepared.) I am describing here the on goings, mostly mine as usual, at an accommodation he, I and others shared late sixties in Edgecliffe Road Woollahara.

Edge City earned its name from this type of petty urban guerilla action. My flat cost $25:00 a week, unimaginable now. Still it seemed to great a price to pay to greedy capitalist pigs. The gas company was our first target. When we failed to pay their bill they cut us off by placing a tin cap in the line into the meter to stop supply. Gimmy strength we simply removed the cap and re connected. Next they removed the section of supply pipe so we replaced it with hose. Now they came and dug up the street, removed a section of pipe and re filled the hole. We dug it back out but assed that it would be too arduous to fit a bodgee connection and that we could survive electrically without the threat of explosions in the neighborhood. We weren’t mad.

Electricity individually metered was the next target. When mine was disconnected owing to failure to pay bills I came up with an ingenious idea. Taking an extension lead and replacing the female socket with another male, I plugged an end into one of my dead power points, threw the cable out my window into Harleys and plugged the other end into one of his live ones. Viola! All my power points now were powered as long as Harley kept me switched on and he never failed me. Of course this extra load placed a strain on the fuses which we found we could fortify with ever increasing diameters of wire right up to the classic nails. When the day arrived, as it had too, when Harley’s power too was disconnected, your favorite innovator said no worries and proceeded with another cable downstairs to James Ricketson’s place (he always paid his bills) and finding him out I didn’t even have to ask permission to plug into his supply. Now years before the internal stair between mine and James floors had been removed necessitating a walk the long way around the building to reach James’s pad directly under mine. By the time I made it back, maybe a minute or more, everywhere I looked around my flat the large skirting boards carrying the power lines were smoking. Well I’m no fool, I recognized a dangerous situation and made haste back to James’s pad where at great personal risk I reefed the hot, sticky, melting cable from its socket.

Now re-reading this tale I reflect that to you I look a lot less clever than Corey Worthington and you’d be right. These actions pre-dating Andy Warhol’s fifteen minutes of fame prediction, were petty, stupid and dangerous but I draw your attention to the attitude that accompanied them which I suspect was spawned in the same primordial adolescent soup that Corey swims in. O yes I was probably twenty three but adolescence lasted much longer back then. I’m not about to predict how Corey’s fame may affect his future, I can however relate that my similar, though never famous attitude led only and inevitably to my latest eviction.

Eviction sounds right to me though to many it seems too harsh and they prefer TERMININATION OF RESIDENTIAL AGREEMENT as the Agents do. The effect is the same, I must vacate by March 23, a little sooner than the average seven years most folk stay put these days but I’m not complaining. I do however recommend to you young’ns that even if you do a Corey, don’t make it a lifestyle choice as it seems I have.

Alice has asked me to appoligise to all for her slack blog and “wedding thank you letters” record (um!!! I missed that one too) but hastens to point out that she edits a whole magazine for those interested in her activities and if that’s not enough she now publishes a blog from the magazine website at http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/womens-health/ . If you decide to venture there don’t leave without taking in the fascinating and possible useful information contained in an item called ”Boys' Bits”.
Robert